@JermHimselfish: Hummingbirds are just regular birds that can't remember the lyrics.
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@joejwest: ME: You've put on weight DRACULA: No I haven't. Prove it ME: When you fly, how many bats do you turn into? DRACULA: [deep sigh] A shitload
@myqkaplan: "should i go into the arts?" "can you imagine yourself doing anything else?" "no" "then i wouldn't go into the arts, with no imagination"
@ZachXJ: Little kid next to me on a plane just ate the preservative packet out of his jerky, looked at me and said, "Don't tell my mom."
@bfrosty04: I just got smiled at by a lovely cashier who has plenty of teeth, but clearly only brushes her favorites.