@RedemptionAJ: Why is there no volume control on the microwave? Must it always wake the entire house when I'm trying to quietly nuke the last of the pizza?

@FullMetalMommy: Chin up divorced people; lots of us smug married parents envy your 50/50 custody agreement.

@theguydf: It's 2014 and somehow we still don't have a car mirror that can make objects appear exactly as far away as they are.

@jeffpfeifer66: Moaning and gasping "Give it to me baby!" during a prostate exam will leave you looking for a new doctor. Anybody know one?

@Cheeseboy22: A fortnight is equal to 14 nights. Unless you live in a fort; it is equal to one night. Fort math is only complicated to non-fort dwellers.