@badbanana: Hundreds of creepy clowns terrorizing people across multiple states. On the bright side, they can all be picked up in one police car.
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@2tickytacky: When someone yells "Fire!" at my house, I'll be the first to leap from the toilet and fall flat on my face because my legs fell asleep
@causticbob: Why do sanitary towel adverts always feature a liquid which is blue? Are aliens their primary customers?
@truegritrumble: (Teaching Kid to Ride a Bike) KID:Dad, I'm scared ME:It's okay. The closest tree is a mile away TREE:*rushes up to kid and clotheslines him*