@badbanana: Hundreds of creepy clowns terrorizing people across multiple states. On the bright side, they can all be picked up in one police car.
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@orange_rhymer: [robbing bank] leader: go in & grab everything you can *i go in to grab loot* Me: (yanking pen chain, increasingly panicked) no no No NO NO-
@PaperWash: before cameras, people would have to say "cheese" for two hours while they got their portrait painted
@DBMaxP: Why are the people with the most annoying laughs the ones that find everything hysterical?
@EJGomez: [speed dating] *girl sits down* "hi im melan- QUICK A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE HAPPENS WHAT WEAPON DO YOU USE "wha- CORRECT ANSWER WAS KATANA. NEXT