@DothTheDoth: Hungover? Hydrate. Depressed? Hydrate. Want to make a good first impression on others? Hydrate.
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@VaguelyFunnyDan: My wife is enjoying the attention I've been giving her lately & though painting a phone on her face is inconvenient, it's saved our marriage
@Ali_Kourani: “Are you sexually active?” [Flashback to that one time I sat in a chair a girl was just sitting in and it still felt warm.] “Yes.”
@YoungManDadJoke: Your head is basically just the smartest part of your body wrapped in the spookiest part of your body.
@BradBroaddus: My aunt's ex-boyfriend's mailman's brother said it on Facebook so I don't think any further research is necessary.