@DothTheDoth: Hungover? Hydrate. Depressed? Hydrate. Want to make a good first impression on others? Hydrate.
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@TheDjinnTrials: I will be with you always and forever, even during the rough times, until the day we die. -Herpes
@weinerdog4life: When there were a lot footprints in the sand, that was a bunch of jesus's chasing you
@TragicAllyHere: My son was crying and asked, "why doesn't the dog have to wear pants?" And it's like, I don't even know. So now I'm putting pants on a dog.
@dxblarssonENG: Top three reasons he doesn't text you back: 1. He's just not that into you 2. He's imaginary 3. He's a cat