@LeviathanPride: Hurricanes, famine, disease, war crimes, child molestation, political corruption. And Jesus appears to mankind on a slice of toast.
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@LoveNLunchmeat: Well kids, when a man and woman love each other very much, he erects a monument for her, but in his pants.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Carson: No it wasn't a friend it was a close family member. And I didn't stab her I froze her heart. "Sir, that's the plot of Frozen."
@Brampersandon_: BOUNCER: *checking ID* this doesn't look like you CATERPILLAR: *adjusts makeshift wings* its me B: oh yeah? Fly then C: uh *starts sweating*