@LeviathanPride: Hurricanes, famine, disease, war crimes, child molestation, political corruption. And Jesus appears to mankind on a slice of toast.
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@IdoNotPoo: It's all fun and games until you find the Twitter crush who catfished you is infact your husband
@JKNenagh: My wife and I use the pull-out method of birth control where we pull out our phones and ignore each other every night
@flashember: WIFE: Will he ever wake up? DOCTOR: Only a shocking truth will do it W: i sold his pet hamster ME *eyes fly open* WHERE HAS THEODORE GONE