@ValeeGrrl: Husband got excited thinking I was touching myself under the covers but I was actually just opening a Kit Kat I didn't wanna share.
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@ozzyunc: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, & acceptance: the five stages of watching them put lettuce on your sandwich at Subway.
@Go2Slp: I like Ohio's abbreviation because any address sounds like you just realized where you are and you're not super pleased about it.
@gruffybeard: 630: *wakes up to take dog for walk 632: *pours coffee and checks twitter 749: *steps in dog shit on my kitchen floor
@QwertyJones3: I live in fear of my kids going outside when it's raining, because they could get wet and multiply.