@cuckoo_cachu: Husband has fake roaches that he sets up around the house to scare the shit out of me 24/7. I'm putting out positive pregnancy tests. HA.
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@amydillon: Back-to-school tip for parents: while not explicitly forbidden, it is frowned upon to spray champagne on the hood of a departing school bus.
@thepunningman: "The bond's Name. James Name" Pleased to... what? "Bond Name's the james" Are you alright? "Bames Nond's having a stronk, call a Bondulance"
@robfee: If you laugh at a kid's joke that kid will tell the exact same joke at slightly louder volumes 8,000 times in a row.
@WhatevaConc: [At the register] "Find everything ok?" "No I figured I'd get in line, pay for just a few things, then start the process all over again."