@VerifiedBakchod: "I < 3 You" means I'm smaller than 3 of you.
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@Reverend_Scott: The year 4542, artifacts are discovered from our once flourishing civilization. "Looks like they worshiped apples." said one archeologist.
@Book_Krazy: New neighbor: Hi. It's nice to meet you. Me: It's nice to meet you too. This is my daughter, 9 Neighbor: What's your Twitter @ Me: DAMMIT
@thatUPSdude: Her: We have rats! Me: We do? Her: Look something gnawed thru this package of cookies! Me: (wipes crumbs from my mouth) I'll buy traps.