@megbada: I absolutely recommend falling in love with your twitter crush and traveling about 3612 miles to boink them.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: If Thor is a woman, what's next? Woman doctors? Woman lawyers? Woman mothers? When will it end?
@HomeProbably: I wish I had the confidence in humanity that Guinness had when they bought a 9,000 year lease.
@AGreaterMonster: If Twitter adds an edit button you'll retweet "I like kittens" and ten minutes later it'll say "I drink period blood."
@iAmJuddy: Favorite question to ask a prospective boyfriend for my sister: Have you ever seen a dead body? *casually lifts shirt to expose .357*