@megbada: I absolutely recommend falling in love with your twitter crush and traveling about 3612 miles to boink them.
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@Dahmerscookpot: Things that don't kill bees 1. Furniture polish 2. Febreeze 3. Butter 4. Screaming
@davidbfunny: Dear waiter, You messed up my order because you didn't write it down. I employed your strategy while calculating the tip. Love, David
@Jack_Wagon1: Sometimes when I get a retweet... I blow on my phone, twirl it and slide it into my belt holster, then ride off into the sunset like a dork.
@N0pantz: Hey, Dude who flips me off for honking at him in the parking lot, your groceries are on top of your car.