@megbada: I absolutely recommend falling in love with your twitter crush and traveling about 3612 miles to boink them.
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@TheAlexP: She said "you look like trouble"...so I nudged her down the stairs, because I don't like people falling short of their expectations.
@electrolemon: i'm so sorry sir, but we here at chase bank don't accept gun-for-money exchanges. and we need an amount, not just "all the money you got"
@jeff_ratfamily: A ladies magazine told me to compliment my wifes booty. So I told her I was glad it wasn't hairy. I need a place to stay