@XplodingUnicorn: I accidentally dripped some mustard on my newborn daughter’s forehead and long story short a nurse just walked in and saw me lick the baby.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@RocketRankoon: Shout out to Pringles for admitting they're addictive, unlike cigarettes and heroin the two biggest liars of the snack industry.
@Carbosly: WOW! SNOWING EVERYWHE.... it stopped. OMG IT'S STARTING AGAIN AND... nvrmind. HERE IT IS AGAIN, WEEE...its gone. - Snow globe, the story.
@HomeProbably: The circus serves as a great analogy for marriage. You're either walking the tightrope or holding a chair because you told her to calm down.