@_NinJar: I accidentally gave my newborn Muscle Milk instead of formula and now he's blasting Pantera and doing one arm pull-ups off his crib
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@thegayfarmerguy: The wind blew a smart car into my lane and I had to roll down my window and swat it out of the way.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: I still have water in my ears from yesterday. I can't hear the kids. Wife: You should shake it out. Me: Why would I want to do that?
@themorris23: In the car and passed by a cop and my 12 year old says "everyone be cool! Act normal!"nnnExpecting that Father of the Year award any day now
@TattleTSister: Halloween is the perfect time to trick people into believing you aren't really going to use that ice pick you're carrying around.