@_NinJar: I accidentally gave my newborn Muscle Milk instead of formula and now he's blasting Pantera and doing one arm pull-ups off his crib
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@remmarg_yelsel: I'd definitely watch a show with Dr. Phil going door to door reading people's Google search history out-loud with the most judgmental stare.
@N0pantz: Hey, Dude who flips me off for honking at him in the parking lot, your groceries are on top of your car.
@radtoria: Fastening a pendant around my son's neck before dying for him, "Keep this always. The audience won't recognize you as an adult without it"
@figgled: Small children who dress as Batman must be forced to fight crime. To teach them a lesson, about lying