@duplicitron: I accidentally grabbed the wrong shopping cart but am hoping this kid will stop screaming soon because I am not raising a cry baby.
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@kellyoxford: Web MD is like a Choose Your Own Adventure book where the ending is always cancer.
@Phoebetate: I'm the girl who shows up at a Halloween party where everyone is dressed as something sexy and I'm dressed as a bean bag.
@squirrel74wkgn: [at the pearly gates] I said, "send me a selfie." Then she said, "too ugly today." So I said, "never stopped you before" ...& here I am.
@Dani_Feld: Dr: Are you sexually active? Me: *cries* Dr: Um, are you sexually- Me: *cries harder* Dr: .....Ok. Do you drink? Me: YES I BLOODY DRINK