@juicymorsel: I accidentally had two energy drinks today and now my house is decorated for Christmas.
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@stuckinaportal: *wife leaves message on fridge w/ magnets* WE ARET HROUGH maybe it's an anagram *rearranges* ROUGH WEATHER whoa better pack an umbrella
@krisv_723: *Hears something go bump in the night. Me: *jumping out of bed. Who's there? Ghost: Oh shit, I woke the scary one.
@NathanBgood: They take Opposite Day seriously here at El Sol. I love sushi/getting paid to eat, but the dead mariachi band is something of a mood-killer.
@joe_binkley: (Cargo pants filled with tater tots) "How many do I need to get an Xbox?" "Sir, that's not how Toys for Tots works." "FALSE ADVERTISING!"