@juicymorsel: I accidentally had two energy drinks today and now my house is decorated for Christmas.
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@Cheeseboy22: If you try to rob my house, you should know that the item in the house I paid the most for are my son's braces.
@skizzyl: My kid keeps getting his pants leg wrapped in the chain of his bike, it's a vicious cycle.
@ddsmidt: My dentist told me to relax, then got all judgey about me uncorking my wine in his office. He needs to make up his mind.
@MrSpoonicorn: *Gandalf rollerblades into the club* "YO DJ PLAY SOME DIRTY DUBSTE-- *slips on a drink & lands flat on face* "SCRAP THAT CALL AN AMBULANCE