@tastefactory: I accidentally heated my Hot Pocket for 20:00 instead of 2:00 and now there's a giant radioactive Hot Pocket in my apartment watching my tv
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@daemonic3: [bank] Robber: EVERYONE GET DOWN! Me: [crying] my wife left & my kids think I'm a joke Robber: No I mean- Robber2: Wait! Let him finish
@JennyJohnsonHi5: My heart goes out to all the parents who are about to see how much weight their kids have gained at college during the Thanksgiving break.
@KelgoreTrout: the guy who named the spatula was so lazy. hes like "what should i call this thing that spatulas?"
@Mikecanrant: The reason I like Twitter is because the ladies on here LIKE being followed. Unlike like little miss restraining order down the street.