@beefman138: I accidentally hired a wordsmith instead of a locksmith and now my latched threshold has been compromised by a metallic puzzle solver.
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@TheMichaelRock: Why did you have to take a half naked picture in front of a full length mirror to show off your new haircut?
@Reverend_Scott: [at Applebees on Christmas] God: Your food good? Jesus: Ya, it- *a crowd of servers surrounds them* Jesus: You didn't... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO Y