@BonaFideIntent: I accidentally hit my ex-girlfriend today going 85mph with my car on purpose.
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@joe_binkley: "Opening a llama acting school called 'Save the Drama for your Llama." "No, I mean where do you see yourself in 5 years with this job?"
@Illuminati_Stop: BARACK OBAMA WAS BORN IN 1961. 1+9+6+1= 17. YOU KNOW WHO USED TO BE 17 YEARS OLD? HITLER.
@saucy_peaches: My mom always said that I'd never find a man dumb enough to marry me. Well, I showed her...