@BonaFideIntent: I accidentally hit my ex-girlfriend today going 85mph with my car on purpose.
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@seriouslyemily: Dipping your cats in blue paint and watching them chase each other is 1000x more entertaining than Avatar.
@YourAnMoron: It's pretty impressive that Beethoven could play the piano considering he was a St. Bernard.
@UrbanDouchebag: Sometimes it's nice to feel another body pressed up against your own, even if rigor mortis has already set it.