@NicCageMatch: I accidentally killed another cactus & now one of my plants is trying to grow towards the phone to call 911.
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@Tmoney68: Why don't those badass UFC guys use their fighting skills to defend themselves against terrible tattoo artists?
@brunopieroni: I'm starting a Kickstarter to bring a lion from Africa and let it loose in a dentist's office.
@jonnysun: *at the movie theater* umm ok the hackers also said theyd do a terror unless u giv me unlimited free popcorn and uh.. also that guys popcorn
@Queen_Sassy_AF: Thank you for the "avi is not me" disclaimer in your bio. I was thinking David Hasselhoff sure isn't very popular on here with 13 followers