@NicCageMatch: I accidentally killed another cactus & now one of my plants is trying to grow towards the phone to call 911.
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@Kyle_Lippert: Steve Buscemi is the only reported case of the saying "If you keep making that face, it's going to get stuck that way" being true.
@_AlanGarner_: My homework brings all the Asians to the yard, And they're like "It wasn't that hard."
@iluvyogacats: Me: *enters exam room Doctor: Please take off your... M: *unbuttons pants D: ?? M: *pauses* D: GLASSES! D: I'M AN EYE DR DAMNIT!
@AimeeHelene1: Him: What? I couldn't understand you. Me: gnbkfshbffjjg H: What?! Me: GNBKFSHBFFJJG! H: Damnit Aimee! Take the burrito out of your mouth!