@NicCageMatch: I accidentally killed another cactus & now one of my plants is trying to grow towards the phone to call 911.
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@TheAlexNevil: Drumpf's presidential campaign in reverse: an increasingly laughable story of an egomaniac running for an office he couldn't possibly win
@Michael_Erhart: Doc: "Your arm is broken. I'll put you in a cast for a while and it'll recover." Me: "Ok, but I don't get how being in a movie will help."
@click4amanda: My dad called to ask if sending an email to the USA costs more. I told him a LOT more, better not risk it
@Brampersandon_: INTERVIEWER: this says u work well with otters. Did u mean others? ME (shoving a romp of otters back into my briefcase): haha yeah of course