@NicCageMatch: I accidentally killed another cactus & now one of my plants is trying to grow towards the phone to call 911.
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@mstern68: [Creation] God: These dinosaurs are ruining the place! Angel: Maybe they'll evolve? G: *throws a rock* A: Sick shot! G: Next time, apes
@theyearofelan: If there is one thing the Internet has taught us it is that even the dumbest people on Earth have somehow learned how to use the Internet
@dafloydsta: [job interview] "Any weaknesses?" I pick fights for no reason "Can you explain?" *leans in way too close* Are we gonna have a problem?