@pleasehelp420: i accidentally told a customer their total was $17.76 instead of $17.67 i said “sorry.. just thinking about the declaration of independence i guess” and he did not laugh or smile
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@Sickayduh: Even the most racially sensitive person you know gets a little skeptical when the chef at a Chinese restaurant isn't Asian
@vladchoc: Are you tired of greasy pots and pans? Stubborn kitchen stains? Messy sponges and sprays? Me too. I wish the sun would devour the earth.
@batkaren: HER: I love Deadpool ME: I love Dead Pool HER: Oh, cool, you read comics too? ME: *staring out at pond where I toss victims' bodies* Hmm?
@brynnester: [Flight] Cabin Crew: The pilot & co are dead. Is there anyone on board who can fly the plane? Harrison Ford: I can CC: Anyone else at all?