@pleasehelp420: i accidentally told a customer their total was $17.76 instead of $17.67 i said “sorry.. just thinking about the declaration of independence i guess” and he did not laugh or smile
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@Ms_WhateverV: A woman stopped me in the street and asked me to show her how to get to the hospital. So I pushed her under a bus.
@WheelTod: I’m not the type of superstitious idiot who worries about bad luck on Friday 13th. That’s silly. Me, I just take off to a nice quiet cabin in the woods, slaughter a pack of over-sexed teenagers, then kick back and chill.
@PetrickSara: My birth control is my 5yo running around in circles at 5am screaming "I have so much energy! I have so much energy! I have so much energy!"