@KalvinMacleod: I accidentally took an extra step when I reached the top of the stairs and now I'm in a marching band.
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@T_Bonezzz_: Waiter: What can I get for you? Me: Steak, please. W: How would you like that cooked? M: By anyone other than my wife
@murrman5: [consoling widow] I was the one who put the kick me sign on your husband. I had no idea you owned a horse that can read
@omgthatspunny: I have an eating disorder; I'm about to eat dis order of fries, dis order of wings, and dis order of nuggets.
@stevevsninjas: HER: You didn't make a reservation? ME: I got this. (to Maître D') Perhaps *this* will jog your memory? M: A handful of Skittles, sir?