@KalvinMacleod: I accidentally took an extra step when I reached the top of the stairs and now I'm in a marching band.
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@MODAT: Mom is flying into JFK during Friday rush hour. An 'anonymous tip' should allow me to pick her up at the TSA and avoid the terminals.
@jwoodham: Instead of pulling people over for texting, the police should be out there pulling people over for not texting me back.
@AnOrangeSNES: *Walking with wife listening to Dust In The Wind* Me: This is our song. *A dude walks by listening to it* Me: That's OUR song! GIVE IT BACK!
@PersianCeltic: Do you smoke? Smokers: "Yes." Non-Smokers: "Never have, never will." Stoners: "Smoke what?"