@tastefactory: I accidentally touched the underside of a public toilet seat with my finger. Well, you had a good run, finger. *chainsaw sound*
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@lildandeli0n: Life is not like a box of chocolates. Life is more like opening the freezer and having everything fall onto you.
@Kali_Mura: I'm beginning to suspect that my boyfriend is not really a ninja & that he moved out nine month ago.
@polyhumorous: I got my husband to marry me 51 days after we met. Today is our 20th Anniversary and I think he's still wondering what the hell happened.
@capnmcfword: People with nuclear weapons are now effectively calling each other poopy pants. I'm gonna stop coming to work now.