@tastefactory: I accidentally touched the underside of a public toilet seat with my finger. Well, you had a good run, finger. *chainsaw sound*
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@BMcCarthy32: There's no way I'm the only person who thinks Kristen Stewart is doing the world's best Garfield impression.
@murrman5: [to psychic gf] the spirits you talk to make fun of me don't they "no" [she laughs for no reason] AHHHH *punching the air* FIGHT ME SPIRITS
@Donnie_Fairburn: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE A COP Ok, now that there are definitely no cops reading this...I'm trying to find some cocaine for this weekend guys