@momTruthBomb: I accidentally wore a red shirt to Target today and, long story short, I'm covering for Debbie this weekend.
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@SteveKoehler22: Why do they say "break a leg !" to actors ? If you said "tear an ACL !" to a star athlete, you'd be shot on the spot.
@Brampersandon_: [office meeting] BOSS: Printer ink is costing us a ton. Any ideas on how to cut costs? SQUID: *looks up from phone* Why y'all lookin' at me?
@Phook75: "Nobody wants to hear about pooping" Actually Mom, I think you'll find that there's an entire social network dedicated to proving you wrong.
@smilely_gal: 7 has started saying "your life just got better," whenever he enters the room; humility is not this kid's strong-suit.