@Jay_FrickinLynn: I accidently opened the fitness app and my phone immediately called to report itself stolen.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@bmarked21: My new credit card has this awesome theft protection where it just says "declined" whenever you use it.
@ArfMeasures: ME: Jesus Christ, this is the slowest train I've ever travelled on BRIDE: Someone please get this prick off my dress
@carlyken: My 8 told me he likes Skillrex because it sounds like what Transformers would sound like if they quit saving the world and formed a band.
@GrantTanaka: 2016: Sanders wins presidency 2017: Marijuana legalized in all 50 states 20$x: lol what were we talking about