@Jay_FrickinLynn: I accidently opened the fitness app and my phone immediately called to report itself stolen.
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@welfarehoe: STOP RUNNING IN THE HOUSE! I said STOP RUNNING! STOP RUNN.. YOU BETTER RUN YOU LITTLE SHIT!
@adamlucidi: All my exes are engaged, married, and/or have kids. I'm single. As far as I'm concerned, I've won.
@ArielDumas: Cat: What are you doing? Me: Nothing. Cat: You were looking at younger cats again. Me: No Cat: Show me your Instagram feed. Me: No way.