@designersays: I added someone as a friend 2 years ago but they haven't responded. They must be really busy.
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@FrenulumBreve: *Britney Spears releases a new fragrance* *the other dinner guests look embarrassed and pretend not to notice.*
@FatherWithTwins: If my 5yos are holding something when I buckle them into their car seats, there's a 150% chance they'll hit me in the face with it.
@3sunzzz: *carrying dog* Clerk: no pets allowed Me: *closes eyes* It's my seeing eye dog. C: You tried that last week. M: IT'S MY SEEING EYE DOG!
@Mr_Kapowski: Coworker: Happy Thanksgiving Eve! Gobble til you wobble! Me: *mutters* How bout you slobble on my knobble CW: What was that? Me: You too