@JohnLyonTweets: I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there's plenty of blame to go around.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@zachreinert03: I think marriage is probably like having a business partner. No that's not true, probably weird if your business partner takes your kids
@ibid78: [in hospital] -dude what happened? "I got hit by a bu- [a bus taps on the window, does neck slice motion] -I mean I fell down the stairs"
@sarcasticmommy4: Parent pro tip: Beware of the child who cleans their room without being prompted. They are about to ask to borrow money.