@LuvPug: I adopt cats because I can't have any of my own.
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@Marlebean: Dear future self, No, you weren't robbed. You left your house like this. Sincerely, You, you dumb slob.
@jwoodham: Much like the giant panda and the snow leopard, the 20-something white girl without a wrist tattoo is now an endangered species.
@ddsmidt: I told the hubs someone must've broke in and stole his phone charger. He'll believe that before he'll agree he misplaced it somewhere.
@shariv67: It puts the lotion in the basket. Then it calls the wife to make sure it's the right brand so it doesn't get the hose again.