@LuvPug: I adopt cats because I can't have any of my own.
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@internetluke: "Your under arrest!" No, YOU'RE under arrest *police looks around points to himself & mouths 'me'* Yeah you. *he tosses me cop car keys*
@juliussharpe: Basically anything you buy at the hardware store looks like you're getting ready to take hostages.
@ArfMeasures: JUDGE: So to be clear, you're pleading not guilty to stealing the child's shoes? ME: [heelies up to the mic] That's correct