@thenoahkinsey: I almost accused a 10 yr old of stealing my dance moves but it turns out he just really had to go to the bathroom & didn't know where it was
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@ThRealBallsDeep: Sorry I threw firewood at you and yelled "shoo", but with the amount of eye liner you wear, you resemble the raccoons that raided my cooler.
@GrowlyGrego: *knocks on door* You're too fat. "Wha--" You're way too dumb. "Wait--who.." Hi, I'm Roy. I sell insecurity systems. You're too poor for one.
@BrandonVine: Felt like my car was going to blow over from this wind today. I feel bad for the smart cars that are probably stuck in trees.
@noog: Cop: Is that a turtle? Me: ... Cop: Painted blue? Me: ... Cop: With nails glued on? Me: ... Cop: Mario Kart's not real Me: YOURE NOT REAL