@Brentweets: I almost choken on food and the whole time it was happening I was just thinking "What a cliche way for a fat person to die of"
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Vodkantots: "How much for the supermodel?" *winks seductively "Ma'am, that's a mirror and you appear to be having a stroke."
@MomOnFire: Whenever I feel sorry for myself, I take my children to the grocery store. And then there's like 40 people feeling sorry for me.