@Brentweets: I almost choken on food and the whole time it was happening I was just thinking "What a cliche way for a fat person to die of"
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@NotBachibawlz: Carried 9 oranges up to the cashier and she says "Ya want a box for them?" "I was willing to pay" I said "but I guess we can fight for em"
@Togsbabble: My dog eats his puke and dirty tissues... but I point him to a mushroom I dropped and he gives me the "what is this shit" look.
@Smug_Lemur: Forgot I started my stopwatch. It's now been 139:27.05 since I wondered how long it takes me to run five miles.
@jwoodham: Everyone's talking about how Shia LaBeouf plagiarized Daniel Clowes, but nobody said anything when Kristen Stewart plagiarized paint drying.