@heatherlou_: I almost confused a laxative and Ibuprofen and that would have changed my plans for the evening significantly
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@ApocalypseHow: Probably one of the hardest things for Pinocchio to pull off was complimenting his friend's experimental theater piece.
@XplodingUnicorn: [Barney the purple dinosaur comes on TV] 3-year-old: I hate this show. Me: What's wrong with it? 3-year-old: He never eats anybody.
@ValeeGrrl: Husband: *hacks up lung* I think I'm comin down with something Me: lol ok whatever Kid: *tiny cough* Me: OMG MY POOR BABY COME TO MOMMA
@iAmJuddy: Wait. I'm not cool cuz I'm home on a weekend night? You mean my home I own? With no landlord, neighbors or...parents? Wow, I'm such a loser.