@CulturedRuffian: I almost cut my finger off cutting some celery to eat and all I could think is this never happens with cupcakes.
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@ScottLinnen: All I'm saying is, the minute Canada starts refining its maple syrup reserves into weapons-grade Aunt Jemimium, we're all french toast.
@krisv_723: Him: I’m a champion bull rider, baby. I know how to handle the ride. Me: All I’m hearing is you last for 8 seconds.
@NicestHippo: "It doesn't matter what you look like on the outside" ME: Oh thank god "It's who you are on the inside" ME: Dang
@AndrewChamings: 2015: I can't believe people think the dress is blue and black 2016: I hope the human race doesn't destroy itself forever in violent chaos