@CulturedRuffian: I almost cut my finger off cutting some celery to eat and all I could think is this never happens with cupcakes.
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@SirEvisiae: *pretends to throw ball* *dog runs to chase it* Ha, stupid dog. *dog keeps running, disappears over horizon* Um *dog tackles me from behind*
@Scdavis24: That moment when you spell a word so wrong that even auto correct is like.... 'I've got nothing man.'
@meganamram: Sometimes I sit on my hand till it's numb so it feels like someone else is googling my name
@Jay_FrickinLynn: M: If I cashew looking through my windows agai- H: What? M: I saw you pecan! H: No, I wasn- M: You're macadamian me mad. H: You're nuts.