@Zombie_Kitv2: I almost died last night. I woke up at 3am and MY FOOT WAS HANGING OFF THE EDGE OF THE BED. NOT EVEN UNDER THE COVERS.
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@TheTweetOfGod: Paris is suing Fox News for repeatedly insulting it. Also suing them for the same reason: your intelligence.
@DaHess1: I told my dentist I wanted whiter teeth so he named them all Bryce and moved them to a gated community.
@Jandalize: Horrifically awaiting the day all the shampoo bottles in my shower decide to squeeze me back.
@jwoodham: FACEBOOK: Hey, remember me? I'm a girl you met in college, in that one class. We never really talked. Anyway, here's 97 pictures of my baby.