@andreeahluscu: I almost got hit by a car this morning and the scariest part was that my last words would have been "whoa there chap"
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@wickedsuga: If you stand in front of a mirror & repeat your top tweet 3X, your pretwitter self appears, smacks you & throws your phone in the toilet.
@HelloCullen: I would request a bunch of Ambien as my last meal so I would look hardcore as hell by falling asleep at my own execution
@SirEviscerate: Ugh, I'm starting to regret getting bangs. "You don't have bangs." Wait, what's that thing you get when a bat bites you? "Rabies?" That's it