@DelilahSmashbox: I almost wish the guy I'm stalking would find me and call the cops. These bushes are scratchy and my legs are cramping.
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@aparnapkin: Friendship: because I've said many dumb things & you acted like they were TED talks
@karencheee: Marrying my gay friend bc it's important for couples to have common interests and we are both interested in men!
@SethMacFarlane: Your baby has no idea that you threw him a 1st birthday party. All you did was inconvenience your friends.