@osno13: i always carry a condom in my wallet incase i can't finish my corndog
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@FattMernandez: Don't trust anyone who wants to "get you out of your comfort zone." Why would you ever want to leave something called a comfort zone?!
@staceys55: Police: "You were going fast." Me: "I was trying to keep up with traffic." Police: "There isn't any." Me: "That's how far behind I am!"
@NotthatAdamWest: The FBI's security gets penetrated so often that we should make it an honorary Kardashian.