@JessicaVarsity: I always carry a lighter in case I end up at an impromptu concert...or need to set someone's house on fire. Either way, I'm prepared.
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@BuckyIsotope: Joe Biden is in the White House kitchen right now licking every piece of silverware and putting them back in the drawer
@Vodkantots: If he doesn't return your texts, it's because he's busy leaving his wife for you. Obviously.
@LilBlueBlood: Stranger adds me to facebook *has a panic attack* Creepy as hell stranger follows on twitter *does victory dance*