@E_lok44: I always carry a megaphone in my purse, in case I wander off and get lost at Costco.
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@TheBeerGuy73: Today I saw a bird shit on somebody for no apparent reason at all. Then I thought of you.
@Leemanish: I get home late, dead tired, & see my name in big, bloody letters on the bedroom wall - & I'm like, nope, I will deal w/ THIS in the morning
@Cheeseboy22: Dolphin scientists say that dolphins are the smartest animal next to humans, but I think they're only saying that because they're dolphins.
@MariyaAlexander: My years of napping and making out with strangers have prepared me for a solid career as a CPR dummy