@E_lok44: I always carry a megaphone in my purse, in case I wander off and get lost at Costco.
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@HeatherAntos: Trump getting elected after Obama was not what they meant by Orange is the New Black
@TheBoydP: [two coworkers walk into my office] Coworkers: Hey! It's your two favorite people here to ask you a question! Me: Where?
@ArfMeasures: ME: *smashes bottle into a ship* MAN: Oh cool, what are you naming it? ME: I'm not *smashes another bottle* I just hate ships