@briangaar: I always carry a pair of shades with me because you never know when you might see a dead body & say something cool
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@_sleepysmile: Shopping for bridesmaid dresses with 5 other women, today. If you never hear from me again, I committed suicide by nail file.
@QwertyJones3: You have absolutely no fashion sense you wear nothing but brown every single day UPS GUY: Just sign for the package
@mayamanion: My 42 yr old friend is dating a 24 yo guy, she caught him cheating so she took away his play station for a week
@iwearaonesie: wife: Did you work late? [flashback to me missing my exit because the car in front of me had Shrek on and I wanted to see the ending] me:Yep