@shawnspree: I always carry a small bottle of Tabasco when I fly. You never know when you're going to crash in the Alps & have to live by eating people.
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@Vodkantots: 3: Why are you putting on makeup, Mommy? Me: So I look less tired. 3: Why are you tired? Me: Because I'm a mom. 3: Why are you a mom? Me: 3:
@cynicanoldicus: Go ahead, post and claim my tweets as your own. Maybe later, if you like, I'll come satisfy your woman and you can take credit for that too.
@reczit: I'm afraid of people who keep smiling all the time. I feel like they still have plenty of space left for more bodies in their basement.