@shawnspree: I always carry a small bottle of Tabasco when I fly. You never know when you're going to crash in the Alps & have to live by eating people.
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@wittwitbarista: I hate it when cops pull you over to give you pop quizzes like "do you know how fast you were going?"Or "is that a raccoon smoking a joint?"
@DudeInABearSuit: If we are talking and I reach up and slowly turn my bear suit head around backward, our conversation is over.
@TheFearBoners: Forget the Home Alone parents forgetting their kid. Why the hell do they own a bunch of mannequins?