@shawnspree: I always carry a small bottle of Tabasco when I fly. You never know when you're going to crash in the Alps & have to live by eating people.
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@kumailn: [God making trees] God: "They're alive but not. Every now & then they drop food." Angel: "I don't--" God: "Also they breathe the opposite."
@hazelmotes1: When my kids come to me with problems I just tell them to watch Full House until they find an episode dealing with their issue.
@liv_thatsme: Me: Saw your bf today "Where?" M: What's the name of that gym next door to the gay bar? "Golds?" M: Yeah, in the gay bar next to Golds
@jus4golf: My wife said she for Lent she was giving up eating meat. I thought she did that after the wedding vows.