@shawnspree: I always carry a small bottle of Tabasco when I fly. You never know when you're going to crash in the Alps & have to live by eating people.
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@chamashouse: When the police asked me where I was between 4 and 5, apparently "Kindergarten" wasn't the answer he was looking for.
@mexinonblonde: *crawls towards him gets between his legs and asks* What do you want? Him-Whatever you want. Me-*gets a bowl of ice cream and turns on tv*
@notalogin: How would you describe your past work? [Cut to me picking up coins off sidewalks and taking them to CoinStar] -Change management.