@PimpleEye: I always carry cake, just in case someone pulls a knife on me.
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@notalogin: On your first day in jail, when they ask you what you're in there for, say "the food" so all the other prisoners know you're a loose cannon.
@Rollinintheseat: Never play musical chairs against a person in a wheelchair. They will always beat you.
@TheDairylandDon: Where do avocados come from? Uh, well, when a crocodile loves a pear very much...