@batkaren: I always date mathematicians. That way when they ask why I'm breaking up w/them I can say DO THE MATH JERRY. Oh yeah & I always date Jerries
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@thesulk: When I call 911, I'm gonna do a Sean Connery impersonation to briefly amuse the jurors at my trial.
@Thynebear: If cops used t-shirt guns instead of handguns they wouldn't even need to tell criminals to put their hands up.
@XplodingUnicorn: Friend: I set a new personal record last week Me: Me too Friend: I took 2 minutes off my marathon time Me: I ate 12 tacos in one sitting.
@iNusku: I've been taking my Flintstones' vitamins daily, but I still can't start a car with my feet.