@Kennedydp5: I always draw track marks on my arms and cough a lot when visiting family so that no one asks me to hold their baby or help prepare food.
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@juliussharpe: The NSA has been tracking phone records for Verizon customers. They skipped AT&T because those people can't complete calls.
@floydimus: "I'M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN!" Brain: LOL Empty bottles: LOL Wine shop owner: LOL New bottle: LOL Bottle opener: LOL Liver: LOL Me: LOL
@omgthatspunny: The Black Death was the best disease. Any attempts to replicate it are just plague-iarism.
@PinkCamoTO: *pulls up pants* Oh, you said ANNUAL review. Well, this is embarrassing. But just for reference, how'd I do?