@TheBoydP: I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
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@jwoodham: INTERVIEWER: If Harry Potter was real, what Hogwarts house would you be in? ME: What do you mean "if" Harry Potter was real?
@MarfSalvador: [Restaurant] Date: I like guys who plan ahead Me: Excuse me, waiter! *Leans in* Make sure my widow here is well looked after