@OpieDokey: I always get a "Yes" from women, but it's usually followed by "That's him, officer."
@elynnbarlow: *Gets divorced*
*Deletes 'actress' from LinkedIn profile*
@smutmidget: AA meeting
@Jake_Vig: If he marries someone else, raises a family, and leads a very fulfilling life, maybe he's just not that into you.
@CharlesFinch: They did not think through this water fountain
@JohnLyonTweets: Dear 6-year-old me: As an adult you won't need to know cursive but you will need an ability to type with your thumbs. The future is weird.