@OpieDokey: I always get a "Yes" from women, but it's usually followed by "That's him, officer."
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@iGreenMonk: Whenever my wife sings I have to go outside. Not to get away from her, but to prove to my neighbors I’m not beating her.
@Go2Slp: Mufasa didn't die, he just went out for a pack of smokes and a newspaper. - The Lyin' King
@daemonic3: Here you go, Merry Christmas! "Dad, why'd you wrap our gifts in soft fabric?" Because I wanted to make- Mom: NO DON'T My presents felt
@hazelmotes1: You literally misuse the word "literally" every time you say it. And I figuratively want to punch you in the face. Literally.