@TEXASVETERAN: I always get my pizza cut into 4 slices. You'd have to be a fat ass to eat 8 slices.
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@rockymomax: [in hell journal day 211] I've asked if it was hot in here 932 times in 211 days. the dark lord is angry but he has nowhere else to send me
@DaddyJew: Me: I can't come in today, too much snow Boss: according to your FB page you've already started day drinking and are messaging me from inside an igloo you built Me: that is correct B: can I come hang?
@markedly: Finally thought of a retort to my bro's friend who kicked me from his car in 1998 I don't need your Camero anyway Ricky MY LIFE is a joyride
@TheToddWilliams: MOM: What did you learn at summer camp? KID: We built a generator out of sticks and mud MOM: A generator? For what? KID: To charge our iPods