@OVLH: I always keep a google search for "how to find anyone, anywhere, and kill them" open on my phone in case anyone steals it.
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@brianbowman73: How to cow tip: First, sneak up behind the cow. Next, get into a wide stance. Finally, slip the money into it's bell.
@no_talent_shan: my student loan account is locked for an hour bc i entered my password wrong twice. who the hell do they think is trying to break in and pay my loans for me. why would i want to prevent that. Pleas let them in
@ShortSleeveSuit: Basic white girl [laughing]: Yasssss omg I'm dying! Takes Everything Literally Todd [shocks her with a defibrillator]: NOT ON MY WATCH!
@rolldiggity: The worst part about being a giraffe is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you're sinking into quicksand.