@OVLH: I always keep a google search for "how to find anyone, anywhere, and kill them" open on my phone in case anyone steals it.
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@raniao2011: Dear axe body spray, Could you Please put a suggested spray size on your deodorant bottles. Best regards, Asphyxiated girls everywhere.
@ermahgarton: According to my bank account, I'm Rich! Rich Anderson, the name of the man whose identity I stole.
@darinlovesbacon: Some woman at my office just said Star Trek when we were all talking about Star Wars and now our IT guy is refusing to fix her computer.