@AGreaterMonster: I always keep a hammer in my pocket in case someone asks me to help them fix something so I can immediately break my leg.
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@chairmanMAO_92: This hot girl asked me to recommend some music so i said Pink Floyd, she said "I didn't know Pink used her last name as well" Now she's dead
@UncleDuke1969: "If you don't let the Jews go, I will find you. I will kill you." Liam Neeson returns in... TAKEN 3: SCHINDLER'S PISSED (Summer 2015)
@RealCarrotFacts: You can tuck a carrot into bed , but it won't know what you are doing because he's a carrot
@usermcuserface: Mary and Joseph watch the 3 wise men leave M: I can't believe they went off the registry. J: I know! Even the son of god needs burp cloths.