@AGreaterMonster: I always keep a hammer in my pocket in case someone asks me to help them fix something so I can immediately break my leg.
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@subtleapt: My mother always told me "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all"...and some people wonder why I'm so quiet around them.
@KraftDinerr: "OPEN UP, THIS IS THE POLICE!" haha, no way losers. I've got things to do. *cop whispering* "what do we do? this guy is owning us hard!"
@PoliticallyILL1: I'm sick of closing out every job interview with "I was young. I needed the money."