@wickedsuga: I always keep a taser on me in case anyone asks if they can have one of my fries.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@_SetTheHook_: Worst thing about having sex with a Canadian girl is having to sit through BOTH of our national anthems before we start.
@causticbob: what's the medical term for a female-to-male gender reassignment surgery? an addadictomy
@SteveSuckington: [comes home from store] Wife: [shaking her head] Let me guess... earmuffs were on sale? Me: [wearing 17 pairs of earmuffs] WHAT?
@VinnyPisciotta1: Good is the enemy of great. Sponge is the enemy of math. Metaphysics is the enemy of Walmart.