@JermHimselfish: I always keep an old key and a map with random X's all over it in my pocket so that shortly after my death occurs a treasure hunt ensues.
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@joejwest: [creepy mansion] ME: That portrait is watching us MAN: No way ME: [goes right up to portrait] I'm vegan PORTRAIT: [rolls eyes] ME: I knew it
@TwinSurvivalist: Let's not buy them two of all the same toys we said. It'll teach them to share, we said. We are idiots.
@NicestHippo: "Great speech! Have you thought about giving it from behind a wooden box for some reason?" - podium salesman
@bobbiejo448: News reports 5hr Energy may be linked to death. Don't know if it's an advertising gimmick or not but I bought a bunch to gift, just in case.