@IamEnidColeslaw: I always keep at least 6 wigs in my trunk for trips to the grocery store so I can keep going back for samples
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@sweetandweak: You could make dinner for a toddler, or you could just cut out the middle man & throw away a plate of food and squirt ketchup on the dog.
@chuuew: [Snake family queueing to get on the train] [They spot Samuel L Jackson already on board] SNAKE DAD: Not this shit again.
@gringothespice: Have been woken up with the hangover from hell by the sound of my neighbour's lawn mower. He'll just have to mow around me, I'm not moving.
@ShawnIzadi: That moment you could pass as an Olympic speed walker because you are racing to the bathroom.