@aaroncoal: I always keep gluten next to my bed in case a hipster breaks into my house in the middle of the night.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@shariv67: God is like Justin Bieber. I have nothing against him personally, but his fan club is super annoying.
@Parkerlawyer: 5,"So we don't get to open any presents today?" Me, "No." 5, "So basically Thanksgiving is just Christmas for your tummy, right?"
@discoken: I wrote "Clarence sale" instead of "clearance sale" and now there are angry old ladies here looking for a husband.
@phaggots: [ouija board] Spirits im in need of your help O N L Y I F Y O U H E L P U S Sure W T F I S Y O U R W I F I P A S S W O R D