@aaroncoal: I always keep gluten next to my bed in case a hipster breaks into my house in the middle of the night.
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@dire_beard: Snow White: Someday my prince will come Prince Charming: I swear this has never happened before
@JElvisWeinstein: "And if all your friends were jumping off a bridge, would you make up a story about jumping off a bridge too?"-- Teen Brian Williams' mother