@koalaslament: I always live in constant fear that a bicep avi is gonna steal my lady and treat her right
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@theshamingofjay: Waiter: how do you want your burger? Me: *points to girl at another table not taking a picture of her dinner* that rare
@LosLos__: My parenting book would be just a series of "Shhh" with different lengths and punctuation for various occasions.
@malcolmsparks: Kids are so inquisitive. "Will robots ever take over the world?" Me: "Almost certainly." "But when? Before I die?" "A bit before, yes."