@68Cly29: I always look for the best looking cashier at the supermarket and always end up at the self checkout lane
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@Brianhopecomedy: My 2 year old wanted to race me home from daycare and I am TOTALLY winning. I don't even see her tricycle in my rear-view mirror.
@TheTweetOfGod: One Mississippi... two Mississippi... just kidding! One Mississippi is quite enough.
@sammyrhodes: Never understood Monopoly. It's like saying, "Hey we're stressed out about real $, so let's play a game & get stressed out about pretend $.
@withanewname: [seaworld] "Hey what happened to the new guy?" -He tried to have sex with the dolphin in tank 6 "But there's a shark in tan.." -BINGO!